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May 2, 2018

305 Butler Road
Reisterstown, MD 21136

Chesapeake Presbytery, Presbyterian Church of America
Re: Tim Persons
8201 Whitebark Lane
Severn, MD 21144

Pursuing Matthew 18 Reconciliation with Covenant of Grace PCA Church, Reisterstown, MD (CoG)

The purpose of this letter is to take the next step in Matthew 18 reconciliation with some of the leadership of CoG in an attempt to bring the relationship between my family and them into closer semblance to Biblical principles. Nothing in this letter should come as a surprise to the named parties. As outlined below, I sought intervention by the Session, then others approached them. On 2/2/18, I sent the Session a letter and received no answer. Along the way, I discovered that my case isn't isolated but others have addressed similar issues with the elders. In one case, the unfaithful spouse was an elder himself. At least one former member wrote a letter like this one before you today. A former member reviewed this letter and, for the purpose of brevity, suggested I remove parallels to her issues and include only the events revolving around my divorce from my wife. This is not a letter to outline any of my ex-wife's misdemeanors, many of which are a matter of public record at the Baltimore County Circuit Court (copy available upon request). Any of her actions mentioned here (however the reader interprets them) are purely to give context for and examples of my issues with CoG leadership. Some applicable passages are Matthew 18, Acts 3, and Luke 19:46.

First of all, I repent of my mistakes and accept responsibility, but I have not received the same from CoG leadership as I exposed their actions to the light of Scripture. I acknowledge that my morals differ from those of some people mentioned herein only because of my lordship relationship with Jesus and never having walked in their shoes. For instance, I have never worked for someone who perjured himself to Congress. Thus, Christ and my mentors have produced in me love and honesty. With different life events (for which I deserve no credit), I can't presume I would act any differently than they do, since you can't blame the sheep for the guidance of their shepherd. Only by the grace of God go I.

Secondly, in this letter I will quote Scripture and many will find this offensive. If the reader finds Scripture offensive, please stop reading. This letter is for those for which "Sola Scriptura" is the source of the knowledge of truth and true love, and thus the guide for moral behavior. The references are integral and essential to understanding my issues, so please read them. Even so, I have removed half my issues and Scriptures to condense this letter. I can present the rest later.

Thirdly, when two people give different stories, to determine truth, one must turn to evidence. If you have any doubts regarding what is written herein, please request proof from both parties so you can sift truth from gossip.

HISTORY

A little about myself: I was an Eagle Scout and among the 10% most highly decorated Army Medical Service Captains. I serve in leadership positions in Girl Scouts and in local youth sports. None of this is significant in God's eyes, except to say that people have recognized me as bearing the fruit of integrity and service. (John 15:5) During my 10 year humanitarian missionary career, I met Ms. LaBrie in a Romanian airport and years later I entered into what I considered a holy covenant of marriage before God.

In 2011, I advocated to my wife that we move from Christ the King Lutheran Church to CoG, partly because CoG had English lessons for my wife. Greg and Janis Hard led them, so I introduced myself and requested that they join me in convincing my wife to get involved. That same year, unbeknownst to me, my wife started preparing for divorce. (Equally unbeknownst to me, this would be her second divorce without a biblical basis.)

When we approached Pastor John Aldrich with our marital problems in 2013, he would only listen to my wife's complaints even though he promised he would eventually address my complaint of unfaithfulness. I was told by a former CoG Bible study leader that the church leadership has the preconceived notion that the man is at fault in marital problems. This leader took up this issue with them, since this is a syncretism with the society's view of men as "guilty until proven innocent". Whereas Pastor Aldrich wrote that the issue of integrity 'is such "a very small part of the issue"' (4/8/14). The Court's social worker agreed with a CoG Bible study leader and me that lack of trust was the biggest issue in our marriage. Thus, the secular world recognized the consequences of this sin more clearly than Pastor Aldrich.

Because he didn't feel competent to counsel us or to deal with this spiritual issue, Pastors Aldrich and Sigrid Houston (Pastor of Women's Ministries) referred us to [] Ileanu, a trained counselor and close friend of my wife. He asked her to report back to him. Ms. Ileanu addressed my wife's actions towards the children and her efforts to control me. When, on February 20, 2014, she disapproved of my wife's efforts to keep me from attending CoG's program for husbands called "33-The Series" an argument ensued and my wife broke off our counseling with Ms. Ileanu. As requested, Ms. Ileanu reported back to Pastor Aldrich and the leader of women's ministry that my wife needed a psychologist to deal with her deceitfulness. Ms. Ileanu told them that what Ms. Houston calls "exaggeration" is untruthfulness, unloving and detrimental to the essential marital bonds of trust and thus should be addressed. (Ms. Ileanu's e-mails are available upon request.) Lying about abuse depreciates the trauma of true abuse that so many men and women have experienced. Religious leaders shouldn't consider this a "small part" of any issue in the church.

On February 21, 2014, based on her conversations with my wife, Ms. Ileanu prophetically wrote me, "I think that [your wife] will imminently divorce or separate from you." Six weeks later, on April 1, my wife called the police with a fabricated story that I twisted her arm, which is a common way for women to separate from men and confiscate their property. In fact, it is so commonly practiced that it is called the "silver bullet" because when properly executed, it's almost certain to kill the chances for a man to retain rights to possessions and children. Fortunately for me, the police dismissed my wife's accusation as unfounded. ****

Physical abuse was accepted by society in biblical times and therefore false accusations of abuse were no more dangerous to the victim than any other lie. In our culture and times, however, the silver bullet can destroy a job, a family, and a lifestyle, if the accuser is believed. Thus, this unfaithfulness of false abuse accusations is far more destructive to marital bonds than sexual unfaithfulness alone. Thus, as a CoG Bible study leader pointed out to the elders, through her actions, my wife abandoned the family relationship. She committed unfaithfulness that went beyond sexual unfaithfulness. Thus, I had two biblical justifications for divorce.

The night my wife fired the silver bullet, I wrote Pastor Aldrich and asked him for intervention. On 4/5/14, he responded, I believe that you both need professional guidance, together and separately. I'm sorry that our church doesn't have the specific person specializing in this guidance. No person in our congregation is qualified to help you and [Ms. LaBrie] professionally right now. (NOTE: Since writing this letter, a witness told me that while Pastor Aldrich told me that my need for professional help was due to the mental abuse I received in my marriage, he later bullied me and marginalize my criticism of him, by telling church leadership that he believed I would become violent if they listened to me. Although this isn't logical, the leadership heeded his ad hominem attacks.) I asked him to at least deal with the issues that pastors and even lay believers should be trained on, that is addressing my wife's unfaithfulness through a Matthew 18 process. He wrote, "this is better left on the back burner for another day so you can focus on the major issues with a professional." From other CoG leaders and former members I know this diversion from Scripture is not unique to my situation and Jesus spoke about it in John 10:12. Only two people at CoG were willing to practice Matthew 18, and they aren't elected leaders. When my wife told one of them I was having an affair, he challenged her to prove her lie and she backed down, never to have significant interaction with him again. Clearly, there are spiritually mature people at CoG, but I could not find any among the elected leadership.

Nevertheless, I continued to pursue reconciliation. One of my conditions for reconciliation was for her to return to family counseling with me. She agreed to go with me a couple of times to a professional marital counselor, Flori Willard, MSW, until my wife felt that the counselor had started taking my side. We met a couple of times with our Pastor Harry Krolus until she got a similar sense about him. When she refused to return, Pastor Krolus, a Christ follower, called her to try to return her to marital counseling. She refused again. People asked the CoG elders, Pastor Aldrich, Pastor Herb Ruby and Mr. Hard to encourage her to return to counseling. However, CoG would not hold her scripturally accountable, and she sought membership there. Once obtained, she used her membership as an offensive weapon in the divorce.

Two CoG leaders had told me that a PCA church does not extend membership to someone seeking an unbiblical divorce, but this didn't turn out to be true. Mr. Hard, the very deacon that assisted her in committing her unfaithfulness interviewed her for membership. (See Enclosure F, paragraph 2) Additionally, this letter written by Mr. and Mrs. Hard to the US government shows that they were pleased by (if not encouraging) her not finding employment. Since I was trying to encourage her to find employment, CoG leadership had begun undermining my God-given authority as a husband. This would indicate that CoG considered us divorced at least 18 months before it was recognized by the secular government. CoG should consider marriage more than just a piece of paper that can be ignored when it is convenient. Bible-believing churches consider marriage God ordained and permanent except under certain circumstances.

In contrast, our counselors, friends, Judge Finifter, [name withheld] and I were encouraging and helping her to find employment. In addition to it being biblical (Proverbs 31:10-31, 1 Thess 5:14, 2 Thess 3:10, Matthew 25:15-28), the hope was that gainful employment would make her more content, useful, and socially connected, thereby reduce her privileged attitude, stopping my enabling conduct, and improving our marriage. I wrote Mr. Hard e-mails to explain this, (e.g. 5/12/14) but didn't get an answer or support. Yet, his wife works. So, he put burdens on me that he himself wouldn't bear (Luke 11:46).

...[Section omitted for privacy concerns.]

My wife approached the Judicare Project of the Women's Law Center seeking free legal representation to divorce me. I found a letter on 6/27/14 from them (Enclosure A) discussing the issue, so I knew I had to find a lawyer. During a long conversation with my wife on July 27, 2014, I asked her why she was divorcing me. Her only reasons were that I had burglarized the house and because I had broken her dentures. (Upon request, I can provide documentation of this conversation.) I told her I didn't commit these offenses and Ms. Ileanu believed her accusations were fabricated.

When I found out that CoG didn't offer any couples' Bible studies to help me reconcile with my wife, I started one with Mr. and Mrs. Mustapha, who are to be commended for spending countless hours attempting to reconcile us. My wife attended. Greg Hard later took over the weekly meetings with a focus that was more theoretical and less practical than our studies had been. His wife served as arguably the closest confidante for my wife but made what he termed a "considered and weighed" decision not to attend the study with the other two wives. Thus, she did not hear my perspectives as she counseled my wife. This is a sure way to further weaken a marriage. A few months passed and Mr. Hard dropped the study, which is hard to reconcile Scripturally. (Philippians 1:6) Despite our having supported the church (including financially), I feel church leadership abandoned us.

I believe CoG was actively undermining my marriage instead of trying to get my wife to go to family or conjoint therapy. So, I turned to the State. In January 2015, I filed for divorce. In Maryland, people aren't allowed to divorce unless there is abandonment such as the Scripture says. (In Maryland, that separation has to be maintained for 1 year.) Because I was living in the basement, I knew the filing had no relevance except that I could start getting the court to mandate care for my wife and children that CoG couldn't or wouldn't support. My wife recognized the insignificance of my filing for divorce as far as her goal of absolute divorce was concerned. On February 23, 2015, under oath in the District Court, my wife testified about me that "He doesn't want to give me divorce." (Enclosure B. This was witnessed by a divorced friend of hers who regularly attends CoG.) Because she wasn't able to get this divorce, she had consulted with a lawyer a month or two before to fabricate a second accusation of physical abuse. Enclosures C is the note she wrote (with translation) and which I had found a month before the accusation. In it, she outlined the timing and procedure for firing the second "silver bullet." Fortunately, when I showed this note to two CoG members, they allowed me to move some of my personal items into their garage before she executed her plan.

On 2/23/15, she fired her second silver bullet. After the police reviewed her accusation and my security video, the police once again dismissed her accusation as unfounded. The video demonstrated to them that I was protecting my children against her assault. (The video is available for viewing.) I obtained a written admission from my wife that I was not guilty of abuse and the Circuit Court dismissed the charge. I informed CoG leaders that her public admission of the truth satisfied one my conditions of reconciliation, so all she needed to do was to repent of this action and return to marriage therapy with me and I would drop the divorce. Instead, she continued to make attempts to obtain custody of the children, including making at least 7 public accusations of child abuse. All abuse accusations were dismissed by the authorities.

Several people at CoG told me that if my ex-wife fabricated an offense at the church and brought it to court, I couldn't count on them to be a witness to the truth. One leader said he and his wife would not bear witness, writing "I hate courts and lawyers" and another wrote "I don't want to be dragged into a messy legal situation." This made me believe that I couldn't trust CoG leadership to follow biblical truth and love. God calls his followers to give witness to what is true. The fabric of the church gets destroyed when it doesn't put Scripture into practice. "The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty." (Proverbs 22:3 and 27:12) Heeding this, I left CoG to return to Christ the King because I knew that they practiced biblical love and truth. (As an example, Pastor Krolus went to court to testify concerning my ex-wife.)

During this time, Ms. Ileanu and some church leaders had seen how my wife was treating the children. The Court appointed social worker ruled in October 2015 that my wife's actions were so harmful to the children that she should get professional therapy and that I should get sole custody of the children. (Report available upon request.) Finally, I had begun to find people to help my children and minister God's truth to my wife when CoG wouldn't. If I were a spiritual shepherd, I would have been the first one to try to get my sheep healthy especially if they had offspring. (John 10:12)

On 11/24/2015 and 2/18/2016, I spoke with Pastor Ruby and with Pastor Aldrich who again refused my attempts to try to invoke Matthew 18 reconciliation. Pastor Ruby said they had checked the courthouse for who first filed for divorce but not why I filed. I asked him where Scripture supports such a no-fault divorce theology or where it says that marriage ends when a document is filed with the State. I told him of two other marriages and infidelities that I thought CoG had handled in the same unbiblical way and I voiced support for their broken families. Pastor Ruby could not produce any Scriptural basis for his actions. He said he would speak with Pastor Aldrich but these efforts came to no avail. They cited a language barrier, but I told them that this didn't seem to be a problem with the secular agencies.

Please examine my actions and tell me where I have strayed from Scripture, truth and love as I pursued reconciliation with my wife. I also have assumed the financial responsibility for what I believe to be the numerous unloving and unscriptural actions of CoG which increased my ex-wife's financial dependence on me. Thanks in part to Mr. and Mrs. Hard's evident encouragement, she still hasn't settled in a full-time permanent job in the 21 years I've known her.

In conclusion, my Matthew 18 grievances and requests are: