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Preamble: Hundreds of thousands of people are being deceived by the Presbyterian Church in America, a religious group which will often advertize itself as Christian and "reformed". Of course, many of the members are loving, ethical, Bible believing Christians, just like many Jehovah's Witnesses and Mormons are. Yes, they practice many of the same techniques as these groups. From the pulpit PCA churches tell their followers that they believe the Bible. Yet, as you will see, when I tried to hold them to Biblical principles of truth and love, they produced a book called the Book of Church Order (BCO). Like the Book of Mormon is for the Mormons, the BCO is a book of conduct held in higher authority than the Bible. I spent several years studying the group in Reisterstown, MD, and participating in their activities. I thought what I discovered might be characteristic only of that assembly. Instead, the more I investigated up the chain of command, the more they deferred from the Bible to the BCO. Hence this letter.

December 23, 2017
305 Butler Road
Reisterstown, MD 21136

Presbyterian Church of America

An Open Letter to Covenant of Grace PCA Church (CoG)

The purpose of this letter is to escalate the Matthew 18 reconciliation process with some of the leadership of Covenant of Grace PCA church (CoG) in an attempt to bring the relationship between my family and them into closer semblance to Biblical principles. Guiding Scripture is Matt 18 and Luke 19:46 since many people have sustained spiritual and emotional injuries from CoG. The events revolve around my divorce from my wife. However, this is not a letter to outline any of her misdemeanors because those are a matter of public record and available from the Baltimore County Circuit Court, from the Maryland Court of Special Appeals or from me upon request. Any of her actions mentioned here (however the reader interprets them) are purely to give context and examples of my issues with CoG leadership.

First of all, I acknowledge that I only have different morals from any of the people I mention because I have a lordship relationship with Jesus and I have never walked in their shoes. For instance, I have never worked for someone who perjured himself to Congress. "Only by the grace of God go I."

Secondly, in this letter I will quote Scripture, despite my being warned that this will offend many religious leaders. This letter is not intended for those offended by God's Word, but rather only for those who agree that "Sola Scriptura" is our source of the knowledge of truth and true love, and therefore is the guide for moral behavior. This has not been characteristic of the encounters I have had with CoG leadership. Please don't just skim over the Scripture but read it. I have a lot more, but I have removed half my issues and Scriptures to remove 4 pages.

Thirdly, when two people give different stories, to determine God's truth, you must turn to evidence. If you have any doubts regarding what is written herein, I request that you request proof of what you are told by anyone involved.

HISTORY

A little about myself: I am among the 10% highest decorated Army Medical Service Captains and an Eagle Scout, and I had over 10 years of professional Christian ministry experience. I serve in leadership positions in Girl Scouts and in local youth sports. None of this matters in God's eyes, except that men have recognized me as bearing the fruit of integrity and service. (John 15:5)

In 2011, I advocated to my wife that we move from Christ the King Lutheran Church to CoG, not because of any problems there nor because I in any way thought CoG was more godly or biblical. Part of what attracted me was CoG's English lessons for my wife. I accept the responsibility and consequences for that decision. That same year, unbeknownst to me, my wife started preparing for divorce. (Equally unbeknownst to me, this would be her second divorce--both without a biblical basis in my eyes.)

In a sermon Pastor John Aldrich preached in early 2014, he confessed his sin of being a "people pleaser" instead of a "God pleaser". At the time, I asked leadership why he was permitted to continue functioning as a counselor when this habitual sin hurt his effectiveness. He would only listen to my wife's complaints even though he promised he would eventually address my complaint of unfaithfulness. I was told by a former CoG Bible study leader that the church leadership has the preconceived notion that the man is at fault in marital problems, an issue he had taken up with them also. This effectively reverses the leadership responsibility that the Bible puts upon the man. The Court's social worker agreed with a CoG Bible study leader me that lack of trust was the biggest issue in our marriage. Pastor Aldrich wrote that the issue of integrity 'is such "a very small part of the issue"' (4/8/14). Thus, the secular world recognized the consequences of this sin more clearly than a pastor.

Because he didn't feel competent as a counselor or to deal with this spiritual issue, Pastor Aldrich referred us to Mx. Ileanu, a trained counselor and friend of my wife. He asked her to report back to him with her findings. Ms. Ileanu addressed my wife's actions towards the children and her efforts to control me. When she disapproved of my wife's efforts to keep me from attending CoG's marriage program called "33-The Series" on February 20, 2014 an argument ensued and my wife broke off the counseling with her. As requested, Ms. Ileanu reported back to Pastor Aldrich and the leader of women's ministry that my wife needed a psychologist to deal with her pathological deceit. Showing a greater sense of morality than CoG leadership, Ms. Ileanu told them that what Ms. Houston (Pastor of Women's Ministries) calls "exaggeration" is untruthfulness and unfaithfulness was sinful, unloving and detrimental to the essential marital bonds of trust and thus should be addressed. (Ms. Ileanu's e-mails are available upon request.)

On February 21, 2014, based on her conversations with my wife, Ms. Ileanu prophetically wrote me, "I think that [your wife] will imminently divorce or separate from you." Six weeks later on April 1, in violation of Luke 3:14, my wife called the police with a fabricated story that I twisted her arm, which is a common way for women to separate from men and confiscate their property. In fact, it is so commonly practiced that it is called the "silver bullet" because when properly executed, it's almost certain to kill the chances for a man to retain rights to possessions and children. Fortunately for me, the police dismissed my wife's accusation as unfounded.

Physical abuse was accepted by society in biblical times and therefore false accusations of abuse were no more dangerous to the victim than any other lie. In our culture and times, however, the silver bullet can destroy a job, a family, and a lifestyle, if the accuser is believed. Thus, this unfaithfulness is far more destructive to the family than sexual unfaithfulness alone. Thus, as a CoG Bible study leader pointed out to the elders, my wife abandoned the family relationship. She committed unfaithfulness that went beyond sexual unfaithfulness. Thus I had two biblical justifications for divorce.

The night my wife fired the silver bullet, I wrote Pastor Aldrich and asked him for intervention. On 4/5/14, he responded, I believe that you both need professional guidance, together and separately. I'm sorry that our church doesn't have the specific person specializing in this guidance. No person in our congregation is qualified to help you and [your wife] professionally right now.

Two members who knew us both were shocked by his statement and encouraged me to get clarification. When I called him to ask what professional help he thought I needed, he told me that he could tell she had traumatized me and that I needed healing. I asked him to at least deal with the issues that pastors and even lay believers should be trained on, that is addressing my wife's unfaithfulness through a Matthew 18 process. He wrote, "this is better left on the back burner for another day so you can focus on the major issues with a professional." I spoke with other CoG leaders and former members and they told me of two cases where the organization hadn't dealt with unfaithfulness in their leadership, so they gave me no hope for them dealing with unfaithfulness in the laity.

Nevertheless, I continued to pursue reconciliation. One of my conditions for reconciliation was for her to return to family counseling with me. She refused. More accurately, she agreed to go with me a couple of times to a professional marital counselor, Flori Willard, MSW, until my wife felt that she had started taking my side. We met a couple of times with our Pastor Harry Krolus until she got a similar sense about him. Pastor Krolus followed Scripture and called her to try to return her to marital counseling. Despite similar efforts I made with CoG leaders including Mr. Hard had another agenda. Thus, my wife had discerned that the CoG would not hold her scripturally accountable for her marital unfaithfulness, and she sought membership there.

Two CoG leaders had told me that a PCA church does not extend membership to someone seeking an unbiblical divorce. I told one of them, "If we were betting men, I'd bet you that they put money over the Bible and don't deal with this Biblically." Needless to say, I would have won the bet. Mr. Hard, the very deacon that assisted her in committing her unfaithfulness was the one who interviewed her for membership. (See Enclosure F, paragraph 2) Additionally, this letter written by Mr. and Mrs. Hard to the US government shows that they were pleased by (if not encouraging) her not finding employment. Since I was trying to encourage her to find employment, CoG leadership had begun undermining my God-given authority as a husband. This would indicate that CoG considered us divorced years before it was recognized by the government that CoG labels "liberal". CoG should consider marriage more than just a piece of paper that can be ignored when it is convenient. Marriage is God ordained and permanent except under certain circumstances.

In contrast, our counselors, friends, I and even Judge Finifter were encouraging and helping her to find employment. In addition to it being biblical (Proverbs 31:10-31, 1 Thess 5:14, 2 Thess 3:10, Matthew 25:15-28), the hope was that gainful employment would make her more content, useful, and socially connected, thereby reduce her privileged attitude and improving our marriage. I wrote Mr. Hard e-mails to explain this, (e.g. 5/12/14) but didn't get an answer or support. Yet, his wife works. So, as during Jesus' era, he was a religious leader putting burdens on me that he himself wouldn't bear. Luke 11:46

During this time, Ms. Ileanu and some church leaders had seen how my wife was treating the children. For this reason, I recommended to my wife that she get conjoint therapy which would allow the therapist to verify her stories with me. She said she would go to a therapist but would not let me participate. [Section deleted for privacy purposes.]

So, my wife approached the Judicare Project of the Women's Law Center seeking free legal representation to divorce me. I found a letter on 6/27/14 from them (Enclosure A) discussing the issue, so I knew I had to find a lawyer. During a long conversation with my wife on July 27, 2014, I asked her why she was divorcing me. Her only reasons were that I had burglarized the house and because I had broken her dentures. I told her I didn't commit these atrocities and Ms. Ileanu believed her accusations were lies. (Upon request, I can provide documentation of this conversation with my ex-wife.)

Because CoG was actively undermining my marriage instead of trying to get my wife to go to family or conjoint therapy, I turned to the state. In January 2015, I filed for divorce. In Maryland, people aren't allowed to divorce unless there is abandonment such as the Scripture says. (In Maryland, that separation has to be maintained for 1 year.) So, I knew the filing had no relevance except that I could start getting the court to mandate care for my wife and children that CoG couldn't or wouldn't support. My wife recognized the insignificance of my filing for divorce as far as her goal of absolute divorce was concerned. On February 23, 2015, under oath in the District Court, witnessed by a divorced friend of hers who is likely a member of CoG, my wife testified about me that "He doesn't want to give me divorce." (Enclosure B) This is why she had consulted with a lawyer a month or two before to fabricate a second accusation of physical abuse. Enclosures C is the note she wrote (with translation) and I had found a month before the accusation in which she outlined the timing and procedure for firing a second "silver bullet." Fortunately, when I showed this note to two CoG members, they allowed me to move some of my personal items into their garage before she fired the bullet.

On 2/23/15, she fired her second silver bullet. After the police reviewed her accusation and my security video, the police once again dismissed her accusation as unfounded. The video demonstrated to them that I was protecting my children against her assault. I obtained an admission from my wife that I was not guilty of abuse and the Circuit Court dismissed the charge. I informed CoG leaders that her public admission of the truth satisfied one my conditions of reconciliation, so all she needed to do was to repent of this action and return to marriage therapy with me and I would drop the divorce. Instead, she continued to make attempts to obtain custody of the children, including making at least 7 public accusations of child abuse. All abuse accusations were dismissed by the authorities.

Several people at CoG compromised their integrity and made it clear that if my ex-wife fabricated an offense at the church and brought it to court, I couldn't count on them to be a witness to the truth. One leader said he and his wife would not bear witness, writing "I hate courts and lawyers" and another wrote "I don't want to be dragged into a messy legal situation." Why would a so-called Christian church hesitate to give witness to what is true? They couldn't justify their stances with Scripture, so this showed that I couldn't trust CoG leadership to follow biblical truth and love. The fabric of the church gets destroyed when it doesn't put Scripture into practice. "The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty." Proverbs 22:3 and 27:12 I heeded this and left CoG to return to Christ the King because I knew that they practiced biblical love and truth. (As an example, our former pastor went to testify concerning my ex-wife.)

Only two people at CoG were willing to practice Matthew 18, and they aren't elected leaders. When my wife told one of them I was having an affair, he challenged her to prove her lie and she backed down, never to have significant interaction with him again. Clearly, there are spiritually mature people at CoG, but I could not find any among the elected leadership.

The Court appointed social worker ruled in October 2015 that my wife's actions were so harmful to the children that she should get professional therapy and that I should get sole custody of the children. (Enclosure E) Finally, I had begun to find people to help my children and minister God's truth to my wife when CoG wouldn't.

On 11/24/2015 and 2/18/2016, I spoke with Pastor Herb Ruby and with Pastor Aldrich who again refused my attempts to try to invoke Matthew 18 reconciliation. Pastor Ruby said they had checked the courthouse for who first filed for divorce but not why they filed. I asked him where Scripture supports such a no-fault divorce theology or where it says that marriage ends when a document is filed with the state. I told him of two other marriages and infidelities that I thought that CoG had handled in the same unbiblical way and I voiced support for people I will refer to here as "Ronnie" and "Gaschins" and their broken families. Pastor Ruby could not produce any Scriptural basis for his actions.

When I found out that CoG didn't offer any couples' Bible studies to help me reconcile with my wife, I started one with the Mustaphas. Greg Hard later took over the weekly meetings with a focus that was more theoretical and less practical than our studies were. His wife served as arguably the closest confidante for my wife but made what he termed a "considered and weighed" decision not to attend the study with the other two wives. Thus, she did not hear my perspectives as she counseled my wife. This is a sure way to further weaken a marriage. A few months passed and Greg dropped the study, which is hardly defensible Scripturally. (Philippians 1:6) Despite our having supported the church (including financially), church leadership abandoned us.

In contrast, examine my actions and tell me where I have strayed from Scripture, truth and love. I pursued my wife and reconciliation, followed Scripture, and attempted to sustain truth and love. I also have assumed the financial responsibility for the numerous unloving and unscriptural actions of CoG which increased my ex-wife's financial dependence on me. Matthew 5:39-40

In conclusion, my Matthew 18 grievances and requests are: